As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been struck lately with this idea of play.

I play a lot in my movement practice, I love exploring new and different ways to move. Although I’m far less focused on any end goal or result, for me the joy is to be found in the exploration and in the transition spaces that link the movements together.

How fluid and pleasurable can these be?

How long can I linger?

How many different ways can I find to move from this one base position?

How can I do less to feel more?

This play and exploration doesn’t always look pretty, often at first it might be quite disjointed and messy, and that’s part of the fun of it all.

And yet I’ve realised that in the way I work I’m really not always giving myself this level of permission or freedom to play and explore and try things out.

As a recovering perfectionist, I know sometimes I can get paralysed and stuck when I have a task to do that I might not be that good at…

I don’t want to get it wrong…

Or feel like a failure…

So I often put the hard things off because they seem overwhelming and there is this deep rooted fear of being found out.

That frankly I’m not good enough. A message that sadly was drummed into me early on and one I’ve had to work hard over the years to break free from.

But it struck me today how this is totally at odds with the way I practice movement and the permission and freedom I allow myself there.

So I’m changing my perspective, and please do hold me accountable to this.

I’m inviting more pleasure, play and expression into other areas of my work because the movement explorations are for me but also help me uncover what I want to teach and so I really need to not keep separating myself out into these segments but rather allow this approach to lead in all areas of what I do.

So I’m reminding myself that it is all play and exploration and that fucking up is part of learning. And I’m reminding myself that it is ok to not do everything perfectly. In fact, it is part of the human condition and that trying things out is part of the joy of learning, which is so important as we age. To keep our brain functioning well, we need to try out new things and view everything through a lens of curiosity and play.

I know the seasons and cycles play a role in how easy this is too…

With the fresh newness of Spring (after bleed time, maiden time) I do sense there is more of a willingness in me to try things out in new ways and less fear is present at this time.

Autumn (pre bleed, entering crone time) for me is wildly creative and seems like a time when whatever has been processing throughout the month finally lands and I can put words to my experience. I write a lot (like today :-)) and can be really real and truthful about my own shit and the places I’m still hiding the truth from myself. I can get really honest and real and so again it’s a good time for curiosity, experimentation and play coupled with oodles of self compassion.

Autumn is very present a lot of the time for me now being in Perimenopause and the Autumn phase of my life. And the different life seasons we are in will reflect our own ability to get curious and play.

Some journaling questions for reflection:

• What season are you in currently in your own life or in your menstrual cycle and how might play be helpful to you right now?
• Does play and curiosity feel available to you currently? If it doesn’t, why might that be? What is blocking that right now, what might be missing?
• Where in your own life are you sending mixed messages and what might bring more coherency and integration in for you? How might working with the different seasons of your cycle help?

Need some help finding out… Get in touch.